Numb

Her head was spinning. Her knees felt like jelly and she could barely stand. She was still panting from running.

She couldn’t believe it. 

All those late nights and whispered thoughts. He’d been the only one she’d ever trusted. The only one she thought deserved to know the whole story.

She still remembered his ragged breathing as she’d whispered the words. Her back had been to him and it had been dark, but she’d known he was wide awake. Known he was hanging onto every word she said. Known the pain he was feeling, because she had experienced that same pain for years and years. 

She hadn’t felt it since she’d met him. Had been as close to happy as she was ever going to come. Numb, was what he’d sometimes angrily called her when he couldn’t get a response from her.

She swore and started shaking. Where the hell was the train? 

It was so dark in the station and she wondered yet again, why they never bothered putting on any lamps at night.

A tear ran down her cheek. She was shaking uncontrollably now. Her anxiety had finally returned. Yet the pain hadn’t, she realized somewhere deep down. 

Finally the announcement came. The train thundered into the station. 

She threw herself inside, just as she heard his voice echo through the station.

“Em!”

She flinched at the sound, then slowly turned around to face the closing doors.

He was running full speed towards the train. 

No, she thought and backed up, horrified that he was going to make it.

“Em! You don’t need to run no more!” She couldn’t detect whether it was anger or disappointment in his voice.

She let out a sob. She was going to have to run for the rest of her life, she thought, as she sank into a seat.

He wasn’t going to make the train. Just as the train lurched forward, he reached it.

Breathless, he yelled one last time. “He’s dead, Em! He can’t hurt you anymore!”

Because you killed him, she thought, as the tears streamed silently down her scarred face.

© 2019

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